Emptiness

you only trust urself ,nt me .

2011-09-24T04:12:00.000-07:00

我开始懂了。
tying me so tightly , does it really help ? it'll make me hate you more .
no trust means no trust . dont say you trying -.- becos it'll never be the same and it'll never be .

You dk how i feel .

2011-09-17T04:52:00.000-07:00

you rather trust what you heard when you dk the full story than to trust me . this is trust , to you .

True friends will share her happiness and sadness with you . friends who only share their happiness are nt even treating u as friends . to me , they are people who are superficial . yes i know you dw me sad , yes i know u want me happy . but you're not me , how u know wat im thinking .

Im only one of ur checkers to make ur child happy . have you ever thot how i feel ? have u ever know tt i treated u like a close friend ? have you ever thot of my feelings even if its not ur child tt im saying .

is it acceptance or a form of assurance ?

sometimes i wonder how u rate the imptance of me in ur heart .
i dont owe u a single shit . even if im dissapointing the whole world , im trying to do my best for you . yet this is all i get , dissapointment all over again .

you really love him . I , bless you and give u my blessings .

i really dk how u treat me like and what am i to you ? a punching bag ? a machine u can vent on ? a dog ?
i dont owe you anything and i want u to just be happy . you took me for granted . and u hurt me again and again . YOU are the one who ask me nt to mention the past yet u cant let go . u cant go doesnt mean i can .
do you knw how hurting are ur words esp when you're angry . do u know how i feel . did u ever put yrself in my shoes . always say i owe you . i dont owe you anything . im doing it just for YOU.
i hate to break promises . i hate to dissapoint others . yet im dissapointing the whole world just for you . did u ever know abt anything . did u ever be thankful for it ? or u think its normal for me to decide to do it this way . u always assume things in ur way .yours and forever yours . your world and my world is different . friends are tgt becos of their differences . yet you want me to change for you . have u ever thot how i felt ? you want a perfect friend , im not . and im never one .

i know im dumb , im stupid and im useless . dont keep emphasise it even in ur conver with me . it hurt like a totally single shit . fuck you , asshole , are u dumb , stupid , come on, these words are really salt and peppers in my everyday life . what am i to you . you made me feel totally useless in ur eyes .

dont pms and vent on me and say a thousand and one single shit and wanna end it with a single sorry . its useless . i simply hate it .

dont treat me like a fool . i know everything and i can see .
you hate me and thr's no trust btw us .

I've no confidence of myself

2011-06-07T05:17:00.000-07:00

25/5 : hamham died . she blamed herself . my heart breaks to see her this way .

''it hurts to know everything '' haha , her , again . (':

多痛都可以，不能没有你。

2011-06-07T05:16:00.000-07:00

你了解我的心情吗？！真的想要毁掉承诺吗？！说要正常的是你，不相信我的人也是你。说的容易做得难吧，我讨厌你这样的告诉她我们的事。我不管什么感受，一句都不会说。真的要分享吗？好不愿意的心情。

she's special to you , dont she .. she did nth yet the same treatment . I did so much , hurt dao cannt alr , cry dao my heart is really bleeding , yet .. haha , 知觉，我恨死你。

Again and again , my heart hurts . really really do .

Again and again , i cant protect her . once again , empty promises i have given .

everytime you and her something happened , your dont say i'll also know . my institution haha , strong anot , idk . but mostly correct . plus both something happened , i'll tear like bullshit and go crazy , her mummy will also sad .

You're asked me to shut up for the n times alr .

Trust , is never thr anymore .

我假装不在意，而痛了自己。

2011-06-07T04:17:00.000-07:00

好冷淡。

痛到无法自拔。

不是不爽，是心痛，因为在分享给好多好多人。

虽然没有期待你会改变，可是我还是有那么一点的对你失望。

被约束的我，真的习惯这样吗？

你把我当笨蛋看待。

宁愿沉默不语，

2011-06-07T03:59:00.000-07:00

The truth hurts ,

Its nt the first time . It hurts . why must it be her .. why .. why .. :'(... heart ,srsly hurts .

你，伤透了我的心。很痛。。。怎么办。。痛。。。。 :'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'( TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT ...

我，到底在期待什么。明知道自己自私，分享，好痛，好难，可是我被迫那么做。。难过。。

当我问你那句为什么是我的时候，你有察觉到我心里的恐慌吗？因为我开始对自己没信心了，她和你。。。。太像了。

嫉妒是因为没有安全感，对自己没信心。

当你和我吵架时，你有想过为什么会吗？你有试着了解吗？

有体谅过我的心情吗？

我，很没用，连自己心爱的人也保护不了，她需要我的时候，我在哪里？

Feelings , Im tired of all these ,

2011-05-19T07:40:00.000-07:00

I always walk in front of you when you're smsing , turn my head , close my ears , and i really really hope to sit far till i cant hear , cant see . ha . not i walk fast , my pace is the same . its you tt's so busy smsing . hate it when something happened between you and ur DEAREST and you dun sayy but give me tt face . so FUCKEDDDD AHHHH .

承诺对你可能一文不值，对我而言很珍贵，很重要。对不起，已经没用了，对不起的意思是什么？是为了说而说吗？是真心的吗？为什么让我怀疑？你知道每当其他人说对不起，它让我勾起好多回忆，好痛的三个字。

没遵守诺言的家伙，我恨你。

在说谎之前，价值值多少。

原来我不能让你彻底改变，

信任和机会是自己争取的，不是和别人要，

Do you know how much it takes to trust after each lie ?! because its you tt's why i wanna trust you , but its also becos its you , idw any lies .

everyone thinks tt their lives are a piece of shit , not only you .

when heart is shattered , no matter how you mend , its never the same anymore . dont break a shattered heart , the pieces are too small tt it went thru and pierce thru it .

Do you know how it feels to be an option between something AGAIN and AGAIN ? feels so fked . idl you to smile when you know tt its cig smell. it makes me so pissed off , as if it made you so happy . HA ! and , i really hate to hear tt msg tone , so fked . 人在可是心和魂不在，haha . is it so boring to be with me tt you've to sms ? or you just simply cant live without ur phone . lol . haha . again . an option . haha .

What should I do ..

2011-04-06T04:06:00.000-07:00

You tell me Sorry ,
You promised me .
Dear . I want nothing , idw sorry . sorry to me is useless . its just pure words . no emotion alr . What I want now is you to quit tht's all .
The moment you told me you wanna die , the earlier the btr . Sorry , it stabs my heart . Heart broken .. I dont wanna lose you . you understand that ? Do you ! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURTS TO BRING MYSELF TO FORGIVE YOU WHEN I SHLD BE ANGRY AND BASH YOU UP ?
how much does trust worth to you ?
过了那么久了，每次问你，这么了，发生什么事，你都不说，不然就说没有，朋友，你骗不了我。。
即使每个人不相信你，即使很痛，我都相信你。。
刻苦铭心，
It hurts . it really hurts .
Nothing is impossible ..
我努力地拉住你，想要挽回可是你不让我。。为什么伤害自己。。？
Is this part of ur revenge ?
我从来没有一刻忘记我们曾共同拥有的回忆，甜蜜温馨可是带来了酸痛，对不起。
Sometimes , things just don't work the way we want it to be .
Laughs , it just won't go away . Do you even know ? Its so obvious .. hais .
Memories flashed back , Heart bled , tears flowed , and all I could mumbled is Sorry ..
The closer I am to you , the further I will feel I am to your heart . I never know what you were thinking and I am tired . Often wondered , do you trust me ?
If this didn't happen today , I wouldn't have known I caused so much pain to you . Hurts shit .. Sorry .
I thought you would be different and understand my situation .. but you were like the rest . I was wrong . and I cant blame you . The truth hurts .
What do you want from me ?
What do I want from you ?

痛苦，

2011-04-06T03:54:00.000-07:00

When Sorry dont help , when I hate you lying , when I've to follow ur necessity and im not supposed to possess it . How selfish you are . Just tell me right in the face tt you're busy and cant talk to me . why must you reply after such a long time . ha . fuck you .

I started to not just have neutral feelings abt camera alr . thanks to botanic gardens .

Lost , just like this .

谁也没想到以前的甜言蜜语会变成以后的伤痛，

我是代替品吗？

What have I done to get all these ?! Im trying very hard to save ur life , to save ur health yet you're ruining it . FUCK YOU !!

你会敏感我也会，

如果可以的话，我要把敏感的根拔掉因为是我们俩的敏感把我们的关系变得那么疆，

When Im wrong , you remembers .

2011-02-24T02:39:00.000-08:00

All I wish for , is a listening ear .
Being deprieved of something .. laughs . stabs thru it . idk the reason hw to uds . i only uds how useless i'll feel .
为什么每次都是我牵就你。。没顾虑到我的感受，即使痛还是要面对，即使想逃避，你把我拉住然后演给我看。。ha ..
我要你告诉我，不你做不到，也不要你用甜言蜜语，很伤人！你懂吗！
Incompetent friend . When she needs you , you're not there. Now cry also no use . She in pain , no one's there for her . she's in sorrow , no one with her . and you're the cause . why did u leave her alone . why did u give her so much pain ..
眼泪直多少，心里的痛又怎么能被表达，
Presence that cannot be felt .
Feeling -less .

Jealousy

2011-02-05T05:45:00.000-08:00

短短的距离却有如此的忧伤与痛苦无人分享，

醋喝完了，你帮我买了一瓶回来，

不只你会吃醋，不想看，选择走，我也一样，可是我不能阻止你交朋友，不能盖住我的耳朵，不能蒙闭双眼。

即时我有一百万个剑指着你，判你的罪名，即使自己知道自己的直觉多准可是不想下定论因为我想最后一次相信你，可是看来，逃避没用，是始终就是是，无法改变的事实。chose to lie to myself the last time and says she wont de , she wont de , trust her .. does it even help ? when it didnt uh .

When I say I want bring med for you rub you're always unwilling and dw . she say only you agreed and let her bring . Sorry .. feel so .. do so much for you yet the return is like tt . laughs .

I dont like when you let him go thr care for you when you pushed me away . I dont like when he's always able to be there for you when i cant .. I dont like when its nt the first time you dont share sorrow with me .. i dont like when you want me to leave you alone . I feel so useless .. that's the difference between me and him ba ..
你喜欢的不要认定我也会喜欢。

feelings

2011-02-05T05:25:00.000-08:00

你可以若无其事地面对我，根本都不会内疚。。以前的你，去了哪里。。虽然让可是你知道我心里是痛痛痛。。

被心爱的人欺骗最心痛，你那句我爱你说得毫无意义。。你有感情，我也是人，我也有。。

When I'm right , no one remembers . When I'm wrong , no one forgets .

如果失望是用写的，我是用刻的，

部顾虑我的感受的你了解我的心情吗？

琬甯，即使在痛，在难过都要忍，即使自己身不由己也要忍，因为没有人理解你的心情，又不能说。这种感觉又有谁理解？。。无奈的心情，

your promise ,

2011-02-05T05:11:00.000-08:00

我薛明慧，不管遇到多强的风，多大的雨，就算遇到海浪，我也会不顾一切，真心的保护，疼爱，全心的爱着傅琬甯，永远守护在她身旁，永不离开。

No matter what , you're already a big sister , and my dearest in my heart .

Letting go ,

2011-01-03T05:52:00.000-08:00

may be a good choice after all . Let go of my jealousy feeling and learn to accept the ppl ard her , close to her and impt to her . cos i know , its only when she's happy then i will be happy .
u hurt ur spine becos of me .. bad mood becos I broke my promise to go out but i didnt in the end cos food poisoning and u went to drive ,bang ! thr goes the car , and the wall .. ha .. spine badly injured , dun care , wanted to break it so u will be wheelbound , so u wont get to choose the path , so u wont walk back to the past even though u wanted to .. i stressed too much on you ba . maybe i made u so stressed out and never encourage u along the way , only know how punish or to be sad , never say jiayous even though im doing so in my heart and hoping u will hear it .
i hope u will stand in my place and put urself in my shoes to think ..
holiday gt holiday the problems , sch days gt sch days the problems .. hais , holi , will go out alot of days , i wont have time to revise/do hw , will go pub drink , will smoke , will fight , will drive , wat thing break law de , u will have a part in it , sch days ppl will ask u go smoking , u will also want to , will keep sleeping in class , dun listen to lessons , loither ard after sch , go out at night . tell me what to do .. my dear ..
the dearest in ur heart and the big sister .. will you ever listen to my words once .

Should I ?

2010-12-30T05:00:00.000-08:00

Im really thinking these days in camp what I should do . My mind tells me that I shouldnt be selfish .. should let her have her own friends too . She have the rights to , I cant deprieve her from it .. But why my heart just ache and bleeding when I sees it , when I hear it .. that jealousy feeling . Again . Ha . Go away lah ..
have been rejecting her even though she knows and wants to be with me .. but I've been really thinking if should let her go ..Give me awhile to think then .. hais ..
What should I do ? Just feel that she's the one who really can give u that security ba . That's why If I'll have to let you go , I'll . cos Im convinced .. even though I knw I'll tear .. but its okay .. dear ..

making the necklace .. Dunknow isit the right choice .. the fear of you leaving is strong and lingering inside me ..

Let me be selfish this time ,

2010-12-26T07:45:00.000-08:00

Those memories are playing like a film without a sound , stabbing my heart ..

Its not the first time , Im trying so hard to hold onto you yet you're enjoying things that you shouldn't , I wonder whether you will think of me when you do things ,
心碎了，即使补了也会有裂痕 .
Let me selfish this time .. since u know i hate u keep msging so dun do it in front of me .. even though it seems impossible ,
even though i know the ans and what you gonna say , I know that but im running from reality do you uds .. in my heart the ans is alr thr but im praying nt to be it uh .. but it seems like reality is cruel .. hahahahaaha . hate it manz feeling . go die la . dun mention their names in front of me can .. heart's bleeding and you're slitting it deeper ..

甜言蜜语，

2010-12-22T01:16:00.000-08:00

哪一个是你的真心话？你每次把花说得好听，可是，我真的不知道，你哪一个是说个样，哪一个是真的你的感觉，所以我才没有安全感吧...
just now an answer popped into my head . maybe you dun feel i trust you , dun give u security .. maybe wan sia does ba . see how u reacted when you're in bintan says everything . only when u trust that person , and feel safe with that person will you only go finding that person when the person's far away from you .. maybe u left that person cos u cant reject me so willing to help . maybe cos u dw to break my heart . but .. i really wish you to choose who u really want and i will pray for u to be happy , that's where i will be contented . choosing between two , you're always talking to shu yi thru sms , but , u ended up choosing wan sia alr tells me clearly ur answer and my supporting evidence ..
when i really wants to help , you reject .. not wanting me to worry is an excuse to me .. if we're friends then let me share the pain with you , idw to just only share the joy together and leave u alone when u are sad . it just simply sucks the way you want it to be . keeping it to urself just make me feel so ass , fked up and wanna cry .. why ..
not trusting me just simply stabs my heart when u made doubting tones . why must u suspect me and think u are the one right . why cant you ensure that its nt you before making the doubt ? it says everything uh .. heart breaks , tears flowed , for all i've done .
hate botenic garden .. maybe cos of the guilt , like you owed him something , when he ask u do something u dont want , u obliged willingly . when i asked you , you either says '' you know i dun like taking pictures '' or just appear so fake and unwillingly in front of the camera . just simply hate the feeling ... make me feel so .. ha .. fked myself . why is there a difference . running away from the feeling is the only thing i can do so that i wont appear wierd in front of you and i wont feel de damn you feeling .
using phone in front of me , lying sy to say im ur mother , asking u to slp so u wont need to reply her in chalet , lying that ur mother bring u go snow city , say will reply later , u ignored me so long , yet i've to reply u fast if nt u will dear ? me , ha ... turning my head away cos idw look at you , and that damn phone becos u didnt spare a thought for me . u say u have nothing to say when i used but did u stand in my position and think . how u reacted so loudly to a msg will make me wanna say shut up and sms quietly . all u did was to ask wat happen and ask when u're looking at the phone ? fuck you . i rather u sms like no one's business in front of me and dc abt me than you wanna entertain two ppl at a time . its impossible , i rather u hurt one ppl than two . so fked up .

Dont go back to the past ,

2010-12-19T07:19:00.000-08:00

Hahha ... that jealousy and fked up feeling is so strong uh . haunted me for days le . maybe my attitude sucks like hell . why he ask u to take photo u look so willing inside and wat he ask u do u will do it so willingly ? why i ask u u always look so unnatural plus look so unwilling . why that difference . HAHAH .. can cry die uh . decided nt to ask u take photos le . it will wanna make me cry . for all i did for u and this is all i get uh . i rather hate nt leaving memories than to see it and feel like crying becos of ur actions . what can i say . its so... hahhahahhahhahhaha . FUCKED UP uh .
you jealous me and my friend ''in relationship'' , jealous i with family , feel that i dun keep my words and promise , even also suspect me . what's the definition of trust .. why after so much i've done for you , so much that i suffered silently for you , u will still dun trust me , only urself , thinking that you're the one who's right and im wrong ? u know it fking hell hurts to be misunderstood . u dun like dun means i dc uh . becos i give a damn to it uh . stab my heart , when u give me the suspect look and sounds so when u're the one in the wrong . have you thot that i also feel this way ? have u ever spare a thought for me ? selfish thought ..

why i explained to you so much , you just think you're right ? do you know that ur selfish thought of wanting both will cause you to regret . and idw u to regret cos it will be too late then .. spare a thought for ur mummy ba . her flesh and blood , you feel it to be so cruel and so pain , what abt her ? she dun feel btr uh . i hope u think over . blame me if u want , say i cruel idc . i know one day you'll uds my intention ..
humans are selfish uh . i cant blame u too .

12 sticks still haunts me and my heart's still bleeding ,
numb .

Dont go back to the past , please .

对不起，你让我没安全感，

强求没有幸福，

2010-12-18T21:13:00.000-08:00

别人用写的来写痛这个字，而我用眼泪和血来刻出痛这个字。。
You didnt know that that 12 sticks make me fall so deep that my heart still bleeds .. ha ..

feel so stupid ,

2010-12-16T07:19:00.000-08:00

feel so stupid to be talking so much to you , yet ur reaction is slow and .. so LOL . HAHAHA . what can I say uh . feel like an idiot talking . must be feeling bored talking to me and do other things ba . ha . still tell me . what the hell is wrong with me ! argh ... damn it . fuck myself .
WHAT DO I WANT FROM YOU !

:')

2010-12-16T04:56:00.000-08:00

知道失望两个字这么写吗？

Meaningless ,

2010-12-16T04:34:00.000-08:00

Why is that you can listen to ur songs i cant ? why is that all i have to listen to you if nt you bs with me ? why are you so selfish ..
hais ...
you're trying to please two ppl at a time by talking , but do u realise that when u go out with someone , thr smsing is so wtf ? when i msg you u didnt reply so long , even though i knw u are out with someone , when i nvr reply for 10 mins u dear ? me le . ha . what's this .

强求没有幸福，

2010-12-16T03:32:00.000-08:00

Ha .. feel like crying lolol .
asked you to take pictures is like asking ur life , he ask you jiu different , i know cos different feeling right HAHHAHA !!
What can I say . What can I ask for . What more do I want from you . Hais ...
Should give up trying to take photos of you . so nt like you in the photos , meaningless . What's the point of holding onto memories that are so ... unwilling . HAHHA . Wan ning , give up ba .

Regrets

2010-12-14T04:10:00.000-08:00

You never given me a chance to explain urself , selfish is all i could think of . but i also understand becos you keep having the thoughts that you're dying soon , you're leaving soon that's why u cherish the times with me and worry for me . its just that i dun want you to have those thoughts .. and i feel so breathless with you .. tied me too tight becos u love me , i know.
i dun want you to be angry cos its so scary.. make me cry in public X.x
Its never the same ,

不一样的对待，

2010-12-13T05:56:00.000-08:00

Compare how much she's worth to you , i feel nth to you , ha . Jealousy ? or maybe im just sad . dun know what i shld do . let go ? hahas . sy treating her this way=her treating ws this way .
what's the point .
What do I really want for myself and from you ?

心会痛痛地流血着,

2010-12-11T18:21:00.000-08:00

everytime i knew that i have to tell the truth till the end , but it hurts alot more to knw ur reaction when i react nth when u did the same to me . Ha . hate itttttt...
what should I do that's the best way for us ?
Im trying to let go of feelings . and .. get over it .

forget it ,

2010-12-11T06:28:00.000-08:00

忘了它吧，忘了它吧。她不会因为你而改变，它只是你自己的感觉，让自己麻醉吧，麻醉吧，忘了它吧。
当你把她当作你的一切时，这不代表她把你当作她的一切，看开吧。她不只属于你。不要自私，不要不讲理，不要要求attention , 很讨人厌！
琬甯，你到底要的是什么，你要她这么做。。。

Just feel like crying ,

2010-12-11T05:54:00.000-08:00

Just feel like crying out all my feelings hahaha , hate the way u says it . things u dont dare u will just dont do it . but with outside ppl , u will . ha . what the fuck is this oh oooo .
laughs . ''if i go one competition you how '' what how . what can i say oh oooo . how ? hahhaha .. hate that sucky feeling .

why i still dk wat u thinking after so long .
failure ,

You never said ,

2010-12-11T05:26:00.000-08:00

you never said ur feelings and hw u want me to understand u .. im tired uh .
always asking yet u always keep ur mouth shut , so what can i say ? i wanna help but u dont give me the chance to .
i kw u still guilty abt ur relationship with him .. but u can say it out uh . rather than keep to urself .
idw to share only the good moments with u and when u are sad and feeling down bla , i cant be there to share with you . how sucky is that .. ha .

never say dun mean dun know ,

左右为难,

2010-12-09T07:11:00.000-08:00

you never knew my situation , all u wanted is results uh .. never considered my feelings , never tried asking about anything other than STUDIES . that's all . you're asking alot from us .. dun compare us with the highest , we cant be them , dont dream , and hope for the impossible . hate it ..
Guilty die .. ha .
when you've always wanted me to go out with you , yet . smashed hopes ha . ur here like that . sy , c thr also like that. . hahhahaa . hate it.. my fault ...
hais .
If someone who can understand me , how nice is that ..

你把我逼到墙的一角,

2010-12-08T05:32:00.000-08:00

我受够了,为什么什么都要听你的,你问问自己了解我吗?你好不可利欲,好不讲理 .
I would rather want a stable , heartwarming family than now , so big hse also no use . 家的温暖都不在了..
everyone do their own things , not even any talkings together , always the same typical day together . I want back the past . the one i used to have . sometimes , when people says that , the more u know someone , the more the person become a stranger like you . it seems so in ur case . dun understand what you are thinking , and i dont bother to explain myself even though u misunderstood me and never knew my situation , maybe becos i dun explain ba . the distance between us is getter greater and greater . ha . one side , dear who's condition is bad and can leave anytime when operation is useless , that's why treasure the time with me .. one side , coach , teachers , seniors , team mates , juniors , school expecting invitational shoot to go on smoothly , one side , the unreasonable you , who dun care what reason , even though its sch event you dun give a damn to it and makes things difficult for me . one side , myself having to face everything ALONE . ha . I hate it . Fuck you .

YOU-never knew .

2010-12-07T05:15:00.000-08:00

you never give me a chance to explain , never put urself in my place .
you miss me yet i bomb you with this , i kinda gave you up for coach . when all my explaination is crap to you now , and meaningless uh . but there is of course things that you dunknow uh .
when i alr gave up my thurs for you , when i know i cant make it on that day too , but what can i do..
dun wanna explain when u dun have ears for me to explain ,
this feeling have gone along for a very long time , and all i do is shut up . maybe becos i knw u have depression , so ur mood wont be good and what can i get telling you . you'll only want to kill urself uh .
what can i do ? with ur thoughts .. it have tortured me for a very long time uh ..

My life ,

2010-12-07T04:27:00.000-08:00

我的世界为了你而颠倒得环绕，你不知我为了你改变多少，该这么做才是最好的方法呢？这个问题我已经问了自己好久了，都没有答案，反而自己累了。。
you already became part of my life , cant imagine the days without you ,

分心，

2010-12-07T03:56:00.000-08:00

tired . dunknow how to help . worried . what should i do . 一个人的力量好累，好孤单哦。你知道这种感觉，会体会吗？
helpless is the only word i can think of .
都这样的过，行得过吗？
the only way i can have my stress , worry , woes and trouble to release out is to go crazy with friends and laugh like i can ba .
''the bamboo that bends is stronger than the oak that resists''

Every reason has its own story behind ,

2010-12-05T06:50:00.000-08:00

''Cheers , babe ''
both words are from shu yi ba . laughs . I hate the way it reminds me of jealousy , i hate the way how she can change/guide u so easily when i'm trying my best to do so . the effort compared , laughs . what's the point of telling you when i know there won't be any difference made , when you will be guilty , i rather suffer alone silently , not hurting anyone , stab myself would bleed lesser than telling someone ba . Laughs . here you go abt wan sia agn . i know you know about my feeling and trying to avoid , trying to cheer me up , sorry , effort gone to waste , because i never said and you never knew . its just you not senstive , no worries . its okay . I'll be fine . so many months le , still count today for wat . going to make it numb . like how it did . laughs .
ur blog .. haha .
''mama''this name hurts , that smses u sent hurts but what can i do , lol . like how she said . what's the point of saying . there won't be any difference made , wanning , there won't be . dont hope for the impossible , give it up ba .

It will come again .

2010-12-05T04:06:00.000-08:00

Jealousy feeling will come again cos wan sia and shu yi are backkkk :( not dun wish they're back just that that feeling will come stronger than i think ba . HAHAHAH . POR WAN NING . why cant u just accept that u cant be selfish and she just dont belong to you only . Laughs . hate it hate it hate it ! ARGH . hate the way you hold my hand , getting my attention when you're smsing someone . Hate the way you ask what happen to me when i walked/ turn my head away , Its cos idw see u smsing and talking to me . hate it . maybe i want the attention to myself ba =S haisss .

Useless .

2010-12-03T22:42:00.000-08:00

不觉得每一次你告诉我的时候，我越来越平静吗？从以前的哭到死去活来到今日的平静，自己知道明明就很痛，而是痛到麻的那种吧。
100个，1000个理由有用吗? 我的恐惧始终不会走的。。可能就是因为这样所以我的行为和话语让你以为我在怀疑你吧，那又这么样，说了能改变什么吗？都是废话吧，听过就把它忘得一干二净。
要说的话，就只有痛死了。。。
你教会我承诺都是假的，都可以失约，都可以弄断，只是说说罢了，承诺到底是什么？可以告诉我吗？知道你很努力了，没怪你，即使自己痛得要死我都会把它放在心里不告诉你，因为爱你所以会一直原谅你，可是因为这样就把我当作理所当然吗？
我不习惯把心里的话说出来，虽然悲伤可是在心里一直为你加油，希望你不要放弃，不要让我失望，可是时间一久，心灰意冷了。。

A sorry that doesn't mean anything ,

2010-12-03T19:51:00.000-08:00

yesterday said it harsh , that's because it hurts to not say out even when i know . keeping my mouth shut doesnt mean idk , it just meant that idw u to ltr guilty , ltr sad i will be more TT... you don't say even though u know ur feeling is there is just dw me sad and dw me go think ba .
i know i cant be selfish to ask u to do this do that for me . becos its u and its difficult to change one's character . i cant possibly ask you to not sms , to not do say those words to others that will make me think otherwise what u are thinking and which of ur words are true uh .
I HATE BEING JEALOUS . you wont understand de .. i regretted telling you . becos even though i knew i nvr wanted a difference made from you but after telling , my heart seems to be waiting for some changes . the greater the hope , the greater the dissapointment ba . best is dont even harbour one ,wan ning .
maybe overprotection will really make u breathless but u are just letting us becos u knw we cared , nvr told us ur feelings and keeping it to urself don't help at all .

Lies

2010-12-03T02:33:00.000-08:00

Why can you run away but I have to face the reality . Why must I be the one suffering in silence when you can vent all you want . Are promises really meant to be broken ? What IS promise to you . Why is it that I have to hold on and try like hell when you arent . Do you know that one person strength is hard . Do you know that I have to perserver even though all the odds are against me ?
I cant feel the security even though you say u love me . 为你付出那么多，回报只是伤害。what's the purpose . Everytime say will learn , end up will repeat ur mistakes . ''I promise'' is so fake . and ''sorry'' IS NOTHING TO ME . it has lost its meaning .
I'm tired . You're 15 and I'm 15 . Why is it that I'm expected so much yet you are not .

Yay !

2010-11-25T00:56:00.000-08:00

Opened blog again . This time no linkage . Weets . Now i can write my feelings freely without people knowing le =D
opened cos wanna express out , cos it sucks to keep it alone .